Ye Ole UFFL Notes

Moses had his stone tablets... UFFL history is recorded in the web-page ramblings that appear each week as UFFL notes.

Notes by Steve Tucker... Dec 17, 1998

From the Commissioner's Desk

The ninth regular season of our UFFL has come to a conclusion. The playoff contenders were not decided until the final game was complete. Ahh, parity. Don't you just love the nail biting, stomach churning, nerve frazzling climax? Now all but the final four can drag themselves back to wherever we drag ourselves to for the off season and lick our wounds and begin plotting next year's revenge.

Kudos department:

Not enough appreciation can be expressed nor can enough praises be heaped upon our webmeister Bill for the great job he has done this year in bringing us all into the computer age. Kudos must also go out to most of the owners for raising their e-mail literacy rate. Complaints of non-contact with lineups were severely reduced although not entirely eliminated. And of course kudos to all that contributed to the weekly notes. Thank you.

Our virgin year on the Internet was truly amazing but now, of course, we want more and next year we shall attempt to be even more amazing. We want to know what more you want to see.

Playoffs

Bill’s lame-ass opinions are correct. The playoffs for `98 are:

Joliet at McElmo

Bolingbrook at Peoria

Payoffs

The division winners will receive $100

The Mother Bowl loser will receive $250

The Mother Bowl winner will receive $1000

As you know we raised the franchise fees for a bigger pot but we opted not to increase the division winners take. This was to cover any expenses incurred during the year. Due to web method there were no long distance phone calls necessary by the commissioner’s office and no paper trail or any other incidental expenses that I can justify. This leaves $75 left over. A proposal has been made by the commissioner and seconded by the Basher to "reimburse" this money to our webmeister for his tireless and excellent weekly work. Ayes or nays will be taken at the commissioner’s office.

That’s tucker@newnorth.net in case anyone forgot.

Season Observations

McElmo has been on a mission and ended up with the best season record this year since he submitted his smack talkin’ notes from the bottom of the Central division. Considerations are underway to mute him next year.
Peoria finally got rid of his Atlantic City partner and returned to winning ways. We all told him so.
Joliet is getting to be a bad habit in the playoffs too often and we’re not sure how.
South Wilmington had first pick, drafted a pretty good team for a coyote, but is still outside howling at the moon. Some things don’t change.
Lockport was all too quiet.
Coal City went from first to worst. Please pass the trophy.
La Grange started fast, as usual, and faded faster, as usual.
Minooka took a step back after progressing each year. Kind of like a Bum Phillips with Houston syndrome. Where is he now?
Boston rallied around. Rallying will continue in the off season.
Bolingbrook will tell us all about himself at next year’s draft, I’m sure.
Rockford once again just missed by that much as the boys couldn’t keep their end up and petered out.
Madison once again is singing the blues with a sore rump in the same draft spot.
Black River kept quiet all year so as not to jinx themselves but it didn’t work. Keep an ear out for them next year.
Hammond will be buying all the pre-season magazines next year after bragging last year how he did not have to buy one.

On A Personal Note

I would like to thank everyone for another fun year. Next year should be even better. I will be working on team pages during the off season and those who have not submitted team colors will find a very drab looking team page. Just as drab as I can make it.

I’m looking forward to another return by all teams next year.

Stay tuned to this site through the playoffs for more info and stuff.

And now, on with the playoffs!

Your UFFL Commissioner

Even More Notes by Bill Krieger... Dec 18, 1998

A lineup screwup from week 15... We had Boston 45, Black River 40. The correct lineups are in now, and the real result is Black River 46, Boston 18. Please, please please just don't ask me to explain it all.

Yow, Bill

Notes by Bill Krieger... Dec 15, 1998

Please, please, please read this disclaimer...

The following is NOT official.

I have not talked to Steve yet, so this is just my lame-ass opinion.

I will post Steve's playoff announcements when I get them.

Here's the playoff picture as I see it...

North - Peoria wins the tiebreaker over Joliet by beating Joliet twice during the regular season.
Central - McElmo wins the Central with the best record in the league, 10-5.
North - Bolingbrook wins on the second tiebreaker. In week 3, Rockford beat Bolingbrook 42-41... in week 10, Bolingbrook won 35-28. Since the season series is split, the second tiebreaker (I think) is points scored in the series, which Bolingbrook wins 76 to 70.
Wildcard - Joliet is te wildcard. Rockford and Joliet both have 9-6 records, and Joliet beat Rockford in week 14, 32-26.

I think that's it. But, and that's one big but, check back later for Steve's confirmation and also for the announcement of the all-UFFL team.

Yow, Bill

Short Notes by Hammond Tony... Dec 4, 1998

Bawlin'brook,

What the hell is the AFFFFFFFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLL?Glad your the chump ,ehh champ of what ever league that is.

Your favorite team,

The Hammond Beans

Notes by Bill Krieger... Dec 8, 1998

Well, first my disclaimer... I am not completely sure of the playoff rules or format because they are not explicitly spelled out in the Bylaws... but lack of knowledge on a topic has never stopped me before, so here's my

Last Week of the Regular Season Playoff Review!

See if you can follow any of this:

McElmo is in; they win the Central.
If Peoria wins, they win the North.
If Peoria loses and Joliet wins, then Joliet wins the North.
If both Peoria and Joliet lose, Peoria takes the North. By my math, South Willy is out of it becasue they lose the tiebreakers to both Joliet and Peoria.
If Bolingbrook wins, they win the South.
If Bolingbrook loses and Rockford wins, then Rockford wins the South.
If Bolingbrook and Rockford both win, then Bolingbrook wins the South and Rockford is the wildcard with 10-5 records.
If both Bolingbrook and Rockford lose, then Bolingbrook still wins the South and the wildcard is a crazy tiebreaker mess of Rockford and any other 9-6 teams (Peoria, Joliet, La Grange).

Does that make any sense? Anyway... Smoke 'em if you got 'em boys!

Yow, Bill

PS - Happy holidays!

PPS - Next week: The Playoffs and the All-UFFL team!

Corrections by Bill Krieger... Nov 30, 1998

OK, let's go... here's some corrections:

The BIGGIE... week 9 Coal City at Minooka. The original score report was Minooka 34, Coal City 30. Two lineup errors changed the results to a 36-28 Coal City victory. Check out the commish notes below for full details. You can also see the updated boxscore in the results section, week 9.
In week 12, Boston played D Scott, Cin not M Chmura as originally reported. Of course, this (again) had no impact on the final score because (again) Boston's players neveer score.
One other correction from last week... McElmo scored a couple more points due to a player change... No change in the final result though.

Yow, Bill

Notes by Steve Tucker... Nov 30, 1998

Dear owners,

Coal City submitted a formal protest on the results of his week 9 game against Minooka.

Upon further review an error in lineup submissions were found. Any number of reasons could have contributed to this gaffe but the bottom line is I made an error. The results have changed the outcome of the game.

Coal City started R. Dudley (6 points) instead of D.Holmes (0 points)

Minooka started C. Garner (0 points) instead of E. McCaffrey (6 points)

Coal City won the game. Records and points will be adjusted.

Your UFFL Commissioner

Notes by "The Best of the Best"... Dec 1, 1998

Well as we can see Madison has the blues, the Humpies are standing tall, but the Bashers are on the move. Let us all say a prayer for the Beans, they have been baked.

In all, we have had another wonderful season again this year, but look out for the arena league; the Bashers have done it. Winners of the arena league & soon to be the winner of the AFFFFFFFLLLLL LEAGUE.

Predictions: Bowlingbrook Bashers the champs

Notes by Bill Krieger... Dec 1, 1998

Well, I had grand plans of writing a summary of the hot and heavy playoff picture with just two weeks left in the regular season, but screw that... it's too hard. Study up on your tiebreakers homeys, cause it's going to be messy.

Just two observations from last week... First, Randy Moss rocks with 37 points! Second, Randy's 37 bags the hapless Boston Bigguns even though they score 62 points. Ouch!

Let's look at some of the interesting games next week:

The Real Best of the Best - Joliet (7-6) at Rockford (9-4) features the best of the North versus the best of the South. The loser will have to sweat out the last week of the season, no doubt.
Scrapping Dogfights - Peoria (7-6) at Lockport(6-7), LaGrange (8-5) at South Willy (6-7), Minooka (6-7) at Black River(7-6), and Madison (7-6) at Bolingbrook (8-5) fall into the "fight for your life" category. In each game, the winner will vie for a playoff spot in the last week... the loser will probably wait till next year.

Let's rumble, Bill

PS - I invite any and all to submit notes for next week - the last week of the regular season. Email them to me by next Tuesday morning. Yow!

PPS - Name the quarterbacks!

Nov 10, 1998... Notes from Minooka Maulers

Football colleagues,

I would like to start by a show of thanks to the Web site creator.It was a great idea, and done masterfully. I can now get up to date information on the asskickins I'm handing out.

I would also like to state that I feel honored to be in the central division. As everyone can see on the web, the central has the best teams. We also have the closest races every year. I must admit though, I have had thougts of being in the north division. I hope my adversaries in the central understand. The reason I have had these wicked thoughts is because being .500 gets you a division title. I was kind of amazed to filp up the page this week and see Wilmington howling about a 5-5 season. I guess that since he hasn't had a winning season since we've been in the league, he should be excited. Next year should be the first year that either Joliet or Wilmington doesn't pick first. Congratulations!

I would also like to congratulate Lagrange, and Rockford on there great seasons so far. Last but not least, I would like to welcome Lockport, I see that given time they might bring some dignity to the north.

My final thought is on the team colors. I noticed that some teams had some very well thought out picks. Brown and navy blue? I don't mean to be critical, but good God my friend. Do you have any sense of color coordination?

I also feel compelled to ask about the Rumphumpers. Are you guys butt pirates or something? Do you take swings from both sides of the plate? Not that it matters it is the 90's. I was just asking.

nov 16, 1998... bill krieger

some b'ness first... there were two errors in the week 10 lineups last week:

south willy played seattle's defense, not san diego. this adds 4 points to the southwilly victory, 33-22.
boston's lineup had a couple errors, but it did not change the final score because boston's players never score.

some serious background shenanigans this week... who is this in the background? my hint is that he is famous for this pose, and a statue bearing this move is given away each year. i am laughing at the league and am confident that no one will get this one.

thanks, bill

ps - three game humper losing streak... i feel small and lower case.

Nov 10, 1998... South Willy

(Bill here with a note note: please note that I present South Willy's notes in their pristine, disturbed state... enjoy... er, ah, howl.)

FROM THE DEN OF THE COYOTES,

FIRST OFF I'D LIKE TO GIVE OUT A COYOTE HOWL TO BILL ON HIS SUPER RAZZMATAZZ WITH THE AWSOME UFFL WEB PAGE. HOWLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO NOW TO GET TO THE MEAT OF THINGS!

ALL YOU UFFLERS DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS? WAKE UP TIME IS HERE AND IF ALL YOU FLEABAGS WOULD JUST CONCEDE TO GET OFF MY ASS I WON'T HAVE TO SCRATCH YOU OFF INTO THE COLD CELLARS OF HELL!

BEANS: COYOTES DON'T EAT THEM WE JUST DEFICATE ON THEM SO OTHERS WON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THEIR GAS! ~

COALERS: WHAT NEED BE SAID?

JAMMERS: LOW LIFE LUMPS THAT CLOG STOOLS!

B C MANIACS: YOU AIN'T NUTHIN BUT A BAG OF BONES, EVEN COYOTES TAKE PRIDE IN A LIVE KILL NOT WASTELESS CALCIUM BUILDUP ON MARROW!

ELIMINATORS: YOUR DREAM SEASON IS ALL BUT OVER!

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST OF MY HOWL BEFORE SHAKIN ALL YOU FLEABAGS TO MY BEING THE LAST PICK OF NEXT YEARS DRAFT.

RUMPHUMPERS: YOU'D BETTER THINK ABOUT WASHING OFF THAT SMEGMA BEFORE COMMING INTO THE COYOTES DEN. WE EVEN HAVE SCRUPLES ABOUT THE SUBCUTANEOUS MATTER OF ONES RUMP!!!!!!!!!

BLUES IT'S BEEN A LONG WAIT TO GET A CHANCE TO PACK-ATTACK YOU BUT MAYBE IF YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'LL GET THE CHANCE TO BE MAULED IN THE MOTHER OF ALL BOWLS!

THIS HAS BEEN JUST SOME TRACKS IN THE PATH TO THE MOTHER BOWL!

GOOD LUCK AND FUN TO ALL OF YOU'S

FROM THE DEN OF THE COYOTES

HOWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From the Commissioner’s Desk:

Minooka has been drafted and is hereby under orders from the high commissioner’s office to submit the notes for week 11. Notice I had to draft again for this week’s notes. Everyone is encouraged to submit notes any time they wish. I would like to give everyone a chance to sound off weekly. If you don’t contribute then you’ll just have to live with what’s printed about you without rebuttal. It can be just a paragraph or statement or it can be an entire dissertation. The league office, for space considerations and keeping it somewhat clean, will retain editing rights. Not to mention spelling. Have any of you ever heard of spell check?

Coal City is computer impaired at the moment and crying about how no one calls him on the phone. Joliet just seems to be e-mail challenged. Otherwise communications seem to flowing smoothly through the UFFL.

A nice job nod to South Willy on the notes this week.

Your UFFL Commissioner,

Steve Tucker

11/10/1998

Nov 10, 1998... Young Bill Krieger

A couple tiny changes...

Added "Stats" to the football field menu at the top.
Removed "Web Stuff" from the football field at the top. Now, it's a footnote at the bottom.

WWTW... What's weird this week:

Is it the UFFL North Divsion or the AFC East?
What do Boston and La Grange have in common? Well, they both got treatly pretty rudely last weekend, and they both have scored 280-something points this season.
How do Boston and La Grange differ? Well, Boston's oppononents have scored more than twice as many points as La Grange... 331-162. Or, for you math majors out there, Boston opponents average 33 points a game and La Grange's 16. End result... La Grange sits atop the Central at 8-2 and Boston cleans toilets at the bottom of the Central with a 4-6 record.

Yow, Bill

PS - Email question of the week. Who the hell is Keith McKenzie?

Nov 2, 1998... From the Commissioner’s Desk

No volunteer for notes this week. Haven’t heard a word from the North yet. South Willy is hereby drafted to contribute notes for week 10. See how easy that is. You may be next. Volunteers preferred. Speaking of the only two volunteers (La Grange was drafted), Hammond and McElmo are to be officially commended here for their outstanding contributions. They exemplify the true spirit of the UFFL and play the game as it was meant to be played, as their records reflect…oops…well, let’s not go there.

Did you know we have only six regular season games left to play? We are coming down the stretch and the North division has everyone standing on Coal City with a claim for first place. The Central has La Grange standing alone atop the league (I think the Rumphumpers may have a comment of their own to offer on this so I will not) and facing a team on a mission in the Bone Crushin’ Maniacs. I can’t wait for the bone dancing highlights. The South is just sick with internal beans bashing snake humped blues.

There are nine teams that have declared team colors.

Madison - royal blue & black w/white
Rockford - pink & mauve
Hammond - brown & navy blue
Bolingbrook – red & orange w/black
Boston – black & gold w/white
McElmo – black & gold w/burgundy
La Grange – orange & black
Minooka – black & orange

I see issues that may need to be resolved between the owners in the similarity department. I’d like to hear from the other seven teams and will welcome any changes. I’d like to get this in order for future themeing.

Any problems with the web site? Got a bitch? Something you’re not seeing that you should be? E-mail me in both locations so I'm sure to get it. Sure.

Nobody loves this game more than I.

Steve Tucker

UFFL Commissioner

Nov 3, 1998... Young Bill Krieger

I thought I'd have time to work on organizing the stats a little better... I was too busy last week getting my ass beat by La Grange. So, again, here's the preliminary stats page.

Yow, Bill

PS - Last week's background was Marilyn Manson, who gave an awesome, rocking concert Friday night at the Aragon Brawlroom.

PPS - This week's background is so easy... email me if you can't figure it out.

Oct 27, 1998... Bill Krieger

Let's go...

First off, name that background... 2 hints: 1) this Friday at the Brawlroom and 2) the best CD of 1998.

Stats

I have a preliminary stats page ready. I'll incorporate it into the normal UFFL page next week; I still have to change some stuff to get defense/special teams scoring right. It's kind of a pain.

Just for grins, let's look at the top 10 scorers in the UFFL:

QB - S Young (Rockford) 105 points... You'd expect the league MVP to be a Humper from San Francisco
RB - T Davis (Peoria) 84 points... The league's best RB, of course
QB - B Favre (South Willie) 70 points... A down year? Only compared to Steve Young
WR - J Lewis ( Madison) 66 points... Taken in the 4th round, so far, he's the best draft pick; he's hotter than Steve's furnace
K - A Vinatieri (Rockford) 65 points... The Humpers with the best kicker as well
K - J Elam (Bolingbrook) 57 points... 51 extra points and a 63 yard field goal
QB - M Brunell (La Grange) 56 points... throwing and running
K - R Cunningham (La Grange) 55 points... the first kicker drafted (round 4) is paying off
RB - R Smith (Joliet) 54 points... picked late in the 3rd round and just waiting for his annual injury
Def - Green Bay defense/special teams (Bolingbrook) 54 points... runbacks galore; who is Robert Preston anyway?

Game of the Week

The NFL has its dominant teams: the Denver Broncos (7-0) and the Minnesota Vikings (7-0). Well, the UFFL has it elite teams as well, and they meet each other this week in our "Game of the Week"

La Grange Eliminators (7-1)

Rockford RumpHumpers (7-1)

Let's look at the matchups:

Pos	Humper	Eliminator
QB	Steve Young (SF) visits Green Bay, which is usually a nightmare	Mark Brunell (Jag) is at Baltimore whose defense is no slouch
RB	Corey Dillon (Cin) is the Humper's premier back, but can he score against Denver?	Eddie George (Ten), Terry Allen (Was) and Robert Edwards (NE) make La Grange strong in the backfield
WR	Jimmy Smith (Jac) rocks but the Humpers are thin at receiver	Michael Irvin (Dal), Johnny Morton (Det) are having down years.
D/ST	San Fran is having a down year in D/ST	Ten or Was - they both blow

Odds-makers are favoring the Humpers as they have scored almost 10 points/game more than La Grange. The Eliminators, of course, sport the "best defense" in the league, and they hope to hold Rockford below 10 points. Well, stay tuned.

Yow, Bill

"These are the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind"

Gene Wilder, Young Frankenstein

Hi, Bill here... I got these notes late, but I still found them fascinating. Enjoy.

Week 8 Ramblings... by McElmo

To my fellow UFFL owners,

The football season provides us with great entertainment for the short season. First things first HATS off to the new website , this is a great stride for the UFFL League. Also the best is yet to come !!!!! I just know it…….just thoughts…..speaking of thoughts.

Here is a little different view of last week games.

Vipers sent Eliminators crawlin to A hole. (vipers starting to wiggle) - (Lagrange snake dancing hmm)
Minooka mauled the mangy flea bitten mutts ….(Minooka no contest) - (wuz up willy ??)
Joliet was jammin as da beaners ran out of gas !! (yes again) - (Joliet see (yes again))
Rockford last seen rumphumpin Boston .. (to protect own hump) - (caught patching wrong holes)
Madison left Boilingbrook as the bashers were singin the blues. (out hunting) – (best of what ?)
Hilltoppers got into a Eagles nest and left Peoria Stormin. (looking for hill) – (caught in nest)
Bone Crushin Maniacs left Coalers in a bowl of dust !! (crazy look in eye) - (still lookin for train)

Now as we just start getting out of the bye weeks it’s time to start seperating the contenders from the pretenders. I would like to thank the North Division for all the wins given to the South and Central Division’s. North division will probably win with 7, if anybody can win that many stumblin and bumblin, got room for the Beaners ? That would make the North look better. The South and Central are about to be getting congested at the top, for the ones at the top starting to fade. The wild card race is going to be very interesting this year coming out of the South or Central naturally.

There are a lot of conference games this week so Let’s take alook of some predictions in mind. Let the congestion at the top start.

Coalers @ Jammers – (Lose one Win one theory comes to mind here) Coalers over Joliet
Coyotes @ Hilltoppers – (Hilltoppers pull of with the win – Coyotes ??)
Stormin Eagles @ Bone Crushin Maniacs – (McElmo Crushes eagle nest, and clips wings)
Eliminators @ Minnoka - (low scoring game could go either way but LaGrange slips a little further)
Brigands @ Blues – (looks like Boston keeps Madison singing the blues this week to crowd central)
Rumphumpers @ Beans – (Beaners squeeze out just enuff gas to keep rumphumpers away, no fu fu here)
Vipers @ Bashers – (Garter snakes give Boilingbrook excuse to start talking trash again)

The McElmo forecast:

Wk # 9 - Brigands @ Bone Crushin Maniac’s (where beatings are free and often fatal)
Wk # 10 - Bone Crushin Maniac’s @ Eliminators (McElmo does Bone dance on LaGrange)
Wk # 11 - Hilltoppers @ Bone Crushin Maniac’s (sends Lockport home with hill in hand to climb)
Wk # 12 - B. C. Maniac’s @ Maulers (Minooka mumbling morrons or Minnoka meadow muffins ? )
Wk # 13 - Mangy flea bitten Mutts @ Bone Crushin Maniac’s (McElmo stuffs it 4 willy)
Wk # 14 - Bone Crushin Maniac’s @ Beaners (leaves Beans changin name to beanie-n-weenies)
Wk # 15 - Jammers @ B. C. Maniac’s (Jammers bring peanut butter for a pic nic, McElmo sends them back to Joliet in a jiffy, no pic nic here, Mcfly , hello Mcfly)

Playoffs - Will a wannabee step up to the plate ? (it won’t hurt, it’s the FEAR of losing)

Mother Bowl – Back in the Saddle Again !!! (will leave pain and anguish lingering till next year)

As I look at my trophy from Mother Bowl IV , It is total awesome just to think that the KING of 20 teams was a Marvelous feat and then to keep it forever. This Feat is the BEST OF THE BEST BRAGGING RIGHTS, especially since we did it only ONCE. Yes that means 1 KING , for those that can’t figure it out . So for all you wannabee’s out there, a memoir…………..

That a legend of the King and his throne will be able to be seen on my team page soon,

At your conveince and pleasure !!!! (please no drooling on screen and definitely no crying)

Reporting to you from the McBubble

The MOTHER BOWL IV CHAMPION’S

p.s. I LOVE THIS GAME McELMO BONE CRUSHIN MANIAC’S

From: The Office of the Hammond Beans, which overlook the beautiful

Oct 15, 1998

Hammond filtration plant (makes me think of Bolingbrook for some reason)

Subject: Outlook from the bottom

To start off with, now I know how South Wilmington feels, well sort of, The Beans were due to have one bad year, at least it is not an annual event, eh Coyotes?

Hey Rumphumpers put away the fucia Tu-Tu, put down the K-Y Jelly gently and slowly back away. No one is about to bend over and pick up that bar of soap so quit with the (funny?) grin and lose the sparkle in your eye.

Bolingbrook (reminds me of filtration for some reason). My general Manager has misplaced his shoes and has asked me to ask you to ask your old lady to look under the bed, get his shoes and mail them back. Best of the best of???? huh?

Black River, y’all may be just as bad as us this year but I’m betting you’ll pick ahead of us again in the draft. Please don’t pick Favre, I’d hate to see him in jail. You have no sympathy from us especially after losing to a girl (you know what we are talking about) Madison Blues...pretty much sums it up.... What can I say? HEY BOSTON WAKE UP, The only way you are going to get in the money in this league is if your wife is granted a team. (Major props to the Manila Dogeaters of the NIBL congrats is due) And McElmo, I haven’t heard any lip from you yet this year...what happened, phone disconnected? rent due and had to move? I am looking forward to week 14 when you get to be my bitch. LaGrange, nice start but I hope your season doesn’t end up as lame as your "view from the top" commentary...i.e.Uhhh, well, uhhh I’m 5-0! Nice editorial Clark Kent.

Can someone please tell me where Lockport is? And what exactly is a Hilltopper? Let’s take a minute and think about it...Hilltopper...Rumphumper...anyone see a connection? And Minooka....Is that Florida?? A vegetable?? That’s it! As in "Hey Honey, give me some of MI-Nook-A.

Peoria you can always find north of South Wilmington, in the standings that is, JUST north.

Joliet.... Forget it..... No comment...

Sometimes I miss being in the North division because of 2 things: 1) 8-7 wins the division, and 2) having Coal City on your schedule is like being 2-0 before the season even starts.

Man I Love This Game....

I would also like to send Props to Steve and Bill for bringing us into the 90’s (1990’s) with the web page.

Also I am thankful for not having to live near or work with any of You (especially with a 1-5 record)

Well fellas (and You too Bolingbrook) Cya on the gridiron.

DA BEANS

Disclaimer: These views DEFINITELY do represent the views of the Hammond Beans.

Oct 20, 1998... Bill Krieger

Duuudes,

I had an incorrect score last week (week 6)... it's Rockford 35, Madison 13. Thanks for the heads-up (and the easy victory) Steve.
Speaking of Steve, he's the only guy who has emailed me the correct identity of our background. Anyone?

Yow, Bill

PS - On a personal note, Minooka, I love you guys (especially when we're beating your ass) but I hope you get shutout this week. The Humpers want to be the ones to de-pants those fakers from La Grange next week in the HumpDome.

PPS - Oops #2. In week 7, Black River started Kordell not Kramer (which probably worked in their favor for only the first time this year) and beat La Grange. So much for Humper dreams of bending over another pretender. Dop.

Notes from La Grange

Hey guys isn’t fantasy football great especially when your 5-0 on top the mountain looking down on the rest of the league, well anyway its been good so far this year and I hope I can keep it up don’t you? Anybody want to wish me luck? Well, ok then. Just remember we’re slick as snakes, mean as gators and you don’t want to mess with the "ELIMINATORS".

by Steve Tucker... Oct 12, 1998

And on another note…

Thanks for the in depth review Bob. We hope to have an opposing viewpoint next week from the Beans. I’m still waiting for volunteers to contribute the notes one week. Draft notices will be issued, one per week, until I see some volunteers, people. Sign up now. We want you. Be all you can be. Etc.

Are you keeping track of the roster moves? They can be accessed from the Teams page.

We seem to be moving nicely into the computer age of the UFFL. Only Peoria has not joined us on the net but he is coming soon. The address page has been updated. Any problems with e-mail hyperlinks please refer to Bill. You’re welcome Bill.

In the state of the league department… we have heard from La Grange. The boys from Boston finally staged a rally to remain three games out. There is much ballyhooing and chanting coming from the Humpdome as they happily hump atop the South division after having sent Madison home with the blues and sore rumps. Rookie Peyton Manning has led the Stormin’ Eagles to a two game lead in the North. There were some low scores this week. Coal City’s one point came from not submitting an updated lineup to the commissioner, yet submitted his opponent’s, while McElmo’s two points came from careful planning and study.

Steve Tucker, 10/12/98

by Bill Krieger... Oct 13, 1998

Hey dudes... who is that in the background image? Also fellas, check out the additional standings stats below. It's new, so if you find any probs, hit me.

PS - What the hell's a Brigand? How about the Boston BigEnds? All in favor...

by Steve Tucker... Oct 6, 1998

It was a dark and Stormin’ Eagles night when Peoria came to visit the Blues in Madison and disrupted their championship march while breaking a few of the instruments. Apparently the only team not plugged into the Internet did not appreciate the gaiety and laughter that was emanating from Madison. Speaking of gaiety, Madison will limp on over to the Rumphumpers’ this week for a crack at staying on top… of the division, that is. The Rumps introduced themselves to the Coalers this week and sent them back to Coal City in a three way tie for second place in the North division, where the Stormin’ Eagles are flying high with Peyton at the helm and those greedy Coyotes not willing to share the cellar with anyone. That has to be why South Willy left all those points on the bench. Again. This is a redundant story, stay tuned.

The Maniacs finally squeezed out a victory over the Maulers, whom they referred to, last year, as the luckiest… uh, something or others that ever played this game. This crowds the Central division at the bottom as the Boston crème puffs fell to the mighty defense of the undefeated Eliminators. I hear the cry of the Brigands is "We have not begun to rally!"

From the commissioner’s desk:

Last week I called for volunteers to contribute to the notes each week with biased views that will help further strain relations between the owners. Since this sounds like fun and the response has been, shall we say, underwhelming, I will pointedly "ask" one of you to do this each week. Next week I have asked for a perspective from the last undefeated team. Perhaps we’ll go to the other end of the spectrum in the following week.

All owners are now online. E-mail addresses will be corrected this week and hopefully they will remain permanent. There has been some instability in this area. A lot of changes cause confusion. Stop it. Bill or I need no help in the confusion area.

Stayed tuned to this website for further developments. Check in daily. You should probably make it your home page.

Steve Tucker

UFFL Commissioner

by Steve Tucker... Sep 29, 1998

It's something like this:

September ends with the North bunched up at the top playing .500 ball. Joliet is looking to climb out of his share of the cellar in week 5 with a visit to the perennial high drafting Coyotes who left at least 24 points on the bench in their week 4 loss. This does not surprise, as bad coaching is a Coyote trademark. Black River and McElmo finally got into the win column as the Vipers humped the Rump soundly in a division game that has left the Humpers sorely bummed. The, um, best of the best Bashers had the Basher Crushin' Maniacs over for a win. It appears the best of the best can't best the worst and yet retains his mouth of the south posturing as he makes his way down the division. After a quick two-week rally, that's what Brigands do, they rally; Boston has turned crème puff and can't leave the teens behind. They will attempt another rally. The Beans… well, never mind. The luckiest team in September has been La Grange. The Eliminators have been eliminating with minimal points. Defense. But the real story is in Madison where those ramblin', gamblin' Blues are paying big dividends (unlike the recent market) with their highest scoring point totals and undefeated ways. Yes, life is good in the first of four UFFL months and if the self delusional whining of some teams would quiet down you might be able to hear the true Blues band striking up a championship marching tune that y'all are familiar with. Twice. Consecutively. I'll stop now.

From the Commish's desk:

The official UFFL website has moved into the amazing zone as Bill tweaks and refines his creation. Enough laurels and accolades cannot be cast in his direction for the efforts he has put forth in helping to take this nine year old league into the next century with cutting edge technology and class. And the tweaking continues as the highly requested transaction page is now available to you on this very website. A division records area must be added soon as this is part of the tie-breaking scheme. I personally can't wait for a smack talkin' page as I anticipate daily entertainment there. A pretty cool to-do list is in Web Stuff, which y'all should feel free to contribute all ideas and suggestions and what you would like to see that's not there. Besides a winning record, I mean.

Form a line and let us know when you would like to contribute to the UFFL notes. We want your slanted view on how you perceive the season to be going.

Oh by the way:

It is not "thank God for the commish's screw-ups". It's "thank God we have a commissioner that catches and corrects mistakes before they are an issue. God bless your UFFL commissioner."

Steve Tucker

9/29/98

A Note to the Notes by Bill Krieger

Fellows... you can now find all the UFFL roster moves made this season listed in the "Teams" page.

That is all, Bill "Cub Win!" Krieger

by Bill Krieger... Sep 24, 1998

Hey now,

I did a minor tweek to the ole UFFL web site here... duh. No really, that big dumbass UFFL football was really bugging me, so adios. Hopefully, you will like this format a little better as well. I wanted the most important information to be on the front page.

I would like to have some notes about the current state of the UFFL here in this spot: scrunched between the game results and the standings. I will be recruiting UFFL owners to submit notes over the course of the season.

The number one story last week was, of course, the might Rockford Humpers. This gay band continues to spank the UFFL with a 3-0 record and leading the league with 144 points... that's 48 points/game! Not to say that week 3 didn't give the pink and mauve marauders a bit of a scare. Rockford took the Bolingbrook (gay) Bashers 42-41... winning by the one point home advantage. Thank god for the commisioner's screw-ups.

Other than the Hump... the second story of the week: injuries, injuries, and more injuries. Emmit, James Stewart, Dorsey, Brad Johnson, Elway, Aikman, yadda yadda yadda. And let's not forget Kordell's talent-ectomy. The players dinged up are too numerous to count. It's going to make lineup selection especially tricky.

Yow, Bill

PS - I'll change the background every couple weeks. Who is this week's background? Correct... Walter Payton diving into the endzone circa 1985.

PPS - Go Cub!