Ripper Notes

Apologies friends for my tardy contribution. When I was called upon to contribute to this column, Kim and I were en route to Portland to welcome our new niece. I spent the better part of the week laying her down on the sports section, hoping that she might help me make my last roster move by randomly pointing a pudgy digit at (fill in the scrub).

I started to feel sorry for myself and my place in the standings. Who could have anticipated the gutty, T.R. Dunn like stability of Jamal Tinsley – burglar of Jalen’s NIBL count ? In retrospect, I probably should have scanned Jamal Mashburn’s games played total per season and known he’d come down with a 5 month tummy ache. T-Mac chosen over KG ? I’m not ready to concede foolishness on that selection just yet.

Despite Rob Reed’s insistence that Portland is a heroin hotbed, the village…err..town is actually quite nice. I was welcomed with the usual deluge of rain and gray skies. They also have a professional basketball team that I used to love. Played my ’76 championship ’45 record until it busted. Collected trading cards of Mychal Thompson, Jim Paxson, Maurice Lucas and other former Blazers from the Portland Police. Now the Portland Police collects them – the players that is. Used to stand in line at K-Mart to try and find the one Blazer button I never found – Dave Twardzik. That buster down the street didn’t want my Larry Steele or Lloyd Neal in trade.

What’s left ? I ask myself “Will you like them if they rally and go deep in the playoffs?”. I’m in search of a new team. A group of men that don’t include a babysitter rapist, the former Rain Man up North who now averages more illegitimate children than points per game. A player recently voted by S.I. as getting the least out of his talent, where one G.M. stated that “the elevator isn’t stopping on all the floors”. F Rasheed Wallace. F him.

I thought maybe Plainfield’s Bonzi Wells would give me something to cheer for. He recently told S.I. “The reason why players are players and fans are fans is that they’ll boo us and still beg for our autographs when we’re out”. Portland just isn’t the same anymore. Citizens can walk the streets of Everett and Grand now, knowing that Rod Strickland isn’t lurking behind some tree ready to expose himself. I guess I’m not a true fan anymore. Sacramento and Dallas are fun to watch. Maybe I’ll order up my Hedo Turkoglu jersey this weekend.

Pro hoops has become necessary television only for the purpose of tracking the NIBL activity. College ball is still where it’s at, where you can make a quick $5,000 knowing that the “Fighting” Illini play several times this year in the national spotlight, without a trace of fire or guile. That team is on the take if I’ve ever seen one. Big Ten parity is another way of saying that all of the teams in the conference suck. None of them will give Maryland, Duke or Cincinnati a game within 10 points when it matters.

I’m emboldened by my team’s slow return to the standings. With Mashburn back, I’m a lock for 3^rd place ! Unlike last year when I was frontrunning and later faded in epic fashion, call me the giant killer. Just ask Nashville this week. Ah…forget it. See you in RIP City.

Ed. Note - Rob, I hope you enjoy the Blazer/Ripper custom Black 'n Red format, eh. He he. If you can manage a comeback and throttle either of those posers, Fenton or Spawn Boy, you will be heralded with much splendor throughout the NIBL. Go Rip City... oops... just not this week against the beloved Thongies.

Thanks for the Note-age... yow, bill

PS - New Kirsten at the bottom, eh. Geez.