THE WORLD PRETEND BASKETBALL CHAMPIONSHIP 2000

Nov 3, 2000... M. Jesse Jackson

TULSA (AP) --- The champions of the Naperville Invitational Basketball League (NIBL) can now rightfully claim world supremacy in the realm of pretend basketball. Paced by Shaquille O'Neal's stellar performance, the Diablo Spawn humiliated the outmatched Tulsa Glens, the hapless representative of the Glasstown North American Basketball Organization's (GNABO).

As Mr. Bruessel and his players fled to the visitors' locker room under a hail of debris and invective following their 132-102 trouncing of the Glens, spontaneous celebrations broke out once more in the tiny hamlet of Diablo, California. "We rule the world! We rule the world!" chanted gleeful and deluded Spawn fans throughout a night of mayhem and revelry. Following the game Mr. Bruessel was uncharacteristically magnanimous, as he congratulated his opponent for "attempting to halt the inflexible power of the Spawn." Mr. Bruessel maintains that he will return to defend the WPBC Title next year; however, few commentators agree.

Mr. Reid voiced his displeasure with the performances of Glen Rice and Raef "5 point" LaFrentz, but he quickly recovered from his funk and extended a hand of goodwill to Mr. Bruessel. As Messrs. Reid and Bruessel posed before the gathered media, Mr. Reid intoned, "We shall meet again --- I mean, not you Danny, cause your winning of both titles was clearly a fluke --- but the team that WILL win NIBL this year --- THAT team --- I shall meet again in a GNABO-NIBL showdown. Until then." With that, Mr. Reid exited the dais, leaving Mr. Bruessel to bask in the glow of World Pretend Basketball History in the making.

The results:

According to GNABO's brilliant rules: you get POINTS of all 5 players plus the REBOUND total of the HIGHEST rebounder and the ASSIST total of the highest ASSISTER.