A Shakopee Shyster Shtick

Oct 31, 1999... Steve Tucker

After two turbulent seasons in the NIBL, which has seen an eviction from Santa Fe by the current residents, the Snifters, and legal battles and shabby treatment from Sioux City, a new home has been found by this organization that offers some stability.

While in the midst of negotiations with officials from Burlington, Vermont, an invitation to visit the Governors Mansion in Minnesota was extended and accepted. It seems Governor Ventura is an avid fan of fantasy sports, having made a career out of it in professional wrestling, show business and politics, and was interested in securing a fantasy team to represent his state. The pursuit of goals and dreams were discussed and Jesse liked the direction this organization wanted to go in. After a limo ride, as is customary for elected state officials, through the beautiful Minnesota countryside to the Shakopee area, which is about twenty miles southwest of the Mall of America, we toured the existing fantasy sports facilities. This was already better than the unfulfilled promises of the previous town. With nice facilities in a scenic area and a Hooters restaurant less than half an hour away at the mall how could I say no.

There were two stipulations that were insisted upon by Jesse before any deal was made final. The first was that a long term deal be worked out. I agreed.The second was that the Salsa name and all the baggage that went with it be left behind so that a new legacy could be established that would be Shakopee's very own. I asked if he had any suggestions because this was a sticking point with Burlington as they were wanting to rename the franchise the Diesels or some such stupid train related theme.

"The Shysters," Jesse said with a smile, "and this fine complex will be called the "Dung Heap" because this is where the opponents, or victims as I like to call them, will be brought and disemboweled with no mercy."

The whole idea was intriguing to me so I agreed. It was back to the Mansion for the formalizing of the agreement. After the particulars were taken care of there was a formal announcement made with much fanfare, as is Jesse's style, and in keeping with his political platform, doobies and hookers were had by all to consummate the deal.At one point during the festivities, Jesse indicated that he would like Tim Duncan to start the show. I pointed out that we had the second pick in the draft and T.D. was a pretty obvious first choice. There was some mention of not worrying about Bolingbrook getting in the way of a Minnesota dream and things would be handled. When I asked what that meant there was a hearty laugh and a "don't worry about it."

Things obviously worked out as the Shakopee Shysters live and Tim Duncan is in the house and ready to play.

Let's get it on NIBL!

Shakopee Shysters